A conversation with my roommate last night

Jordan: Oh, about the sponge. The sponge is a dish sponge, and it’s weird and I know, but I don’t like it touching anything but dishes.

Chris: Oh, yeah, okay, that’s cool.

Jordan: I know, it’s like my weird thing.

Chris: No no it’s fine. We all have our things.

Jordan: Yeah, I guess.

Chris: I like to try and respect everyone’s little things.

Jordan: Cool.

Chris: You know, just so long as you respect my little things.

Jordan: Right.

Chris: Like, and this may not be the best time to bring it up, but like I need to feel like I have total freedom with things.

Jordan: Okay.

Chris: Like with the dish sponge, ?dish sponge right? Haha, yeah, like with the dish sponge.

Jordan: oh

Chris: I mean, I DON’T need total freedom, not actually. It’s not like I’m going to bathe myself with the dish sponge or anything. I just need to FEEL like I could. Like at all times. Just decide. If I needed a sponge bath or something.

Jordan: Are you talking like in an emergency?

Chris: No, no, emergency sponge bath? Ha. No. Just, you know, day to day. I mean, I don’t have any plans to do it. It’s not like I have a tub or you know some busty nurse or whatever. I don’t. I WISH I did. Believe me. it’s not like that… I just need to feel like if I chose to do it, you know, I could.

Jordan: So you wouldn’t though.

Chris: Well, that’s not the point, Jordan, now is it? I mean, if you say to me “so you wouldn’t” and I say “no I wouldn’t” then the whole feeling free thing is defeated. See, it’s part of the thing. So, you know, I can say, you know, I don’t have any plans to do it, but I can’t say I won’t ever— at any time— suds up in the sink and just go at my sticky places with some gentle sponging. For example. And we really can’t talk about it either because that just makes me feel like maybe I don’t have total freedom with the sponge to do whatever I please, you know, and then I get all curfuffled. You know. Like, eesh! Like, I could strangle you! haha.

Jordan: So, you can respect my thing with the dish sponge, but you can’t say you won’t disrespect it at some

Chris: at any

Jordan: at any point in the future.

Chris: And I don’t want to ever talk about it.

Jordan: And you don’t want to ever talk about it.

Chris: That’s correct sir.

Jordan: So I could never say,

Chris: … yeah yeah…

Jordan: “Did you use the sponge for you know, washing yourself…

Chris: … or whatever…

Jordan: Or whatever” because that would make you feel like you don’t

Chris: Have complete dominion over the sponge.